I haven't been out here for a long time but I know that compassion and love that this community gives to one another. I just found out tonite that my brother has Pancreatic cancer and has very little time. It's breaking my heart. My parents were older when I was born and I was the baby. My brothers were 15 (him) and 17 when I was born. He decided that he would become my parent. He took me everywhere, NYC where he lived, Paris, the Bahamas and many other places. He was my second parent ( although we had in intact family) He never married and I was his "kid". I'm so sad and can't stand the fact that I'm going to loose him, it wasn't supposed to end this way. I love him so much. My mom died on my birthday many years ago and I just had that birthday 2 days ago. He didn't want to tell me in September because of the bad things based on that but he ended up in the hospital today and had to tell me. Although I go to church every week I'm not feeling the faith right now as a matter of fact I'm damn mad so please don't tell me to believe in God right now, thats going to take a long time. And my brother does not belive in God, so those words are not going to help him.
I watched my SILs mother die of this cancer and it's not a pretty death. I just want the strength for him and I to get thru this. After I told my husband He gave me 2 books, Grays anatomy and another medical book. I told him I didn't need any books I know what the organ does, I just needed a hug, what a klod. When his dad died he never shed a tear, it's just not his way.

I am sorry to hear this. I actually worry about the day when I lose a sibling (guess I am strange). I watched it happen in my Mom's family and I know how hard it is, especially in a situation like yours where it is a sibling who took such a special interest in you.

Books on dealing with loss may be more helpful than Gray's Anatomy! But perhaps, in your husband's defense, he finds comfort in immersing himself in the facts. My siblings and I don't think out youngest brother has admitted to himself yet that our parents are gone!! He told my sister he just doesn't' think about it and that is how he deals with it. Hmmm.

Are you geographically close enough to visit your brother? Try to do that so you can be there for him.

Thank you for your response. Yes we are only about 12 miles apart and I have already begun to think about moving him in with us, we have enough room, but I will not broach this subject for a while. I would prefer to have hospice at my home, but this will, of course, be his decision. I will not impose my needs vs his wants. This is all about him, not me. As much as I want to spend every minute with him, it will be his choice.

Sending good thoughts your way and his tahdah. I hope you get to spend a lot of time with him and that he doesn't suffer.

Take Care!

So sorry to hear this tahdah. Your brother and your whole family are in my thoughts.

I feel your pain Tahdah as I lost my brother 5 years ago. I'm just going to give you lots of prayers that you can spend time with your brother and in the worse of times you keep him in your heart always. Hugs always.

Tahdah, you have been blessed with a brother who takes such an interest in your life. He is blessed to have you in his life to share his interests and adventures! May your love for one another give each of you strength and peace during the days ahead. My prayers are with you both.

I wanted to say something but find that I couldn't possibly say it any better than waldensouth.

My prayers and good thoughts are with you and your brother.

I'm with Boatn Shasta - words do not seem adequate at such a time. You and your brother will be in my thoughts. Take care and cherish the time you have.

Tahdah, what a special brother you have and what a special sister he has to be willing and even want to take him into your home during this time. Enjoy the time you have left with him, find those happy memories and hold on to them for dear life. (((hugs)))

We indeed have loving, caring and wise posters here. I echo what has been said above. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care Tahdah.

You're not going to believe this, tahdah, but I'm jealous of you. I lost my little brother suddenly four years ago and still tear up just at the thought of it. He lived hundreds of miles away and was terribly busy so often a year or more would go by without seeing him.

There are five stages of grief. You're in the first stage of anger and you're aiming it at God. Don't worry. He can take it and will still be there when you realize it's not His fault. I didn't blame God for what happened to my brother. Yes, I wondered why He decided to do it but there are no answers. That's why it's called Faith.

I'd give anything to have my brother back for just a day to say all the things we never got a chance to. You have the time I didn't. Don't waste time on being angry. Make memories and love him. That's the best way to live life anyway, isn't it?

SO well said, Truff.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Tahdah. TR that was beautiful, thank you for putting such a personal experience out there and reminding us all of what is important.

Tahdah - I can't phathom what you're going through, however I've been thinking about it recently. In July my mother's sister passed away and I saw my mom <the last of the three> grieve at her casket. I realized that one day that could be me. I have three brothers and one sister.

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Cherish every moment and know that he's in good hands.

I hope I can get through this without breaking down myself.

I would like to second what TR is saying here. I also lost my brother suddenly 1 year ago. In fact, this Wednesday will be the anniversary date. And what hurt the most for me is that I never had the chance to tell him how much he meant to me. You have that chance, so please make the most of it.

You and your brother are in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you all, yes I am angry in a way but also dissapointed that I go to church each week and I'm dissapointed in myself to an extent that I'm angry. I will use this time to let him know how special he is. The good thing is that we always told each other how much we loved on another. Oh, don't get that wrong, we certainly had some really bad moments but we always found our way back and quickly. I just hope that this is not the end, he's still in the hospital and I'm thinking he is giving me hope for time that may not be there. I've only known for about 24 hours so I'm praying for more time.

Oh, Tahdah, I'm so sorry for what you are going thru. I suddenly lost my sister four years ago in a car crash as she was on her way home from my house. We were Air Force brats that moved every few year, but my sister and I always had each other.

I can tell you that the pain does get more bearable with time, but nothing will help you now when your heart hurts so much. I can just echo what others have said above - be there for your brother, tell him how much he means to you and make more memories together while you can. Those you will treasure forever.

My husband is not the most vocale but he was always, always there with hugs and I hope yours is too.

What wise and wonderful women you all are. They are correct Tahdah. We suddenly lost a son child a few years ago. It never leaves you, but it becomes a part of the tapestry of who you are. I truly believe it is not the fault of God. I just hope to see our child again.

You are indeed blessed that you have the time to create more memories, and to say goodbye. We did not have that luxury.

We will all be here for you if you need us.

Tahdah, such sad news.

It is a terrible disease and it can get anyone at any time. I lost my mom (at age 48) to it 33 years ago, and I just got back from my sister-in-law's funeral on Sunday - she also died from it at age 58.

The ONLY positive thing about a situation like this is that you have some time to get used to the idea. You have time to visit, and chat about the past, and also time to make plans for the future, including whatever final arrangements he would like, financial stuff, etc.

One of the saddest things I heard over this last weekend when we were visiting with all the family together, was when my husband's brother, who just lost his wife, said that they had always wanted to visit Hawaii, and to take a cruise. They could have, but they just never did it.

If you and your brother have the time, make sure you have no regrets like that.

You will be in my thoughts. Let us know how your brother is doing.

Again thanks all and my heart goes out to everyone who has lost a loved one and especially P.B. A child is the worst lost I can think of. My mother died on my birthday years ago and my dad is gone as well so this is not a new path for me.
I don't think I have much time with my brother. His estate planner (didn't know he had one) called me today and wants me in asap because he's made me his patient advocate and executor, not our other older brother.
He checked himself out of the hospital this am. against doctors orders. I got a call from one of his neighbors (he gave them my number just in case) and they found him around 2:00 in the parking lot of his condo with his pants around his ankles and incoherent. He couldn't figure out where he lived. They called EMS and he is now back in the hospital. I was able to figure out which hospital and thankfully the ER doctor actually took my call. I filled him in and he let me know what he could. They re-admitted him due to partial paralysis in his right arm (he's a leftie). I was able to speak with him tonite and he seemed ok. I'm thinking he may have had a stroke but they don't know yet. I asked him to stay and not leave the hospital until they discharge him. I asked him if he knew what he had done and he didn't remember. When he got to the hospital they asked him why he had just been in there for a couple of days and he didn't know. And when I talked to the estate planner he said that my brother was told to check himself into hospice. He insisted that he wanted home care and they told him that is not an option. Apparently this estate planner has direct access to his doctors and I will get that as soon as I come in and sign the papers. I will also be able to make his medical decisions once the doctor deems him unable which may be soon given his choice to leave against doctor order and the recent confusion. So as I said, I believe there is very little time left, but I will cherish every moment. I'm glad that we always said that we loved each other everytime we talked or saw each other. I just want a few more days to say the rest of what needs to be done and said.

That is so sad to hear, tahdah. May you both get through this with the least amount of pain and suffering.

I'm so sorry, tahdah. That's a lot to be thrown at you at once. Prayers that you are able to enjoy this time with your brother.

Tahdah, my heart goes out to you and your brother. I don't know what else to say except that I am sorry. I will keep you both in my prayers....