Try it, you will love it. I love it will dill sauce.

I'm a monster alright ...but not blue or fuzzy.

Try fresh salmon. A whole world different than the canned stuff.

that is true, my mom always made those salmon patties out of canned salmon and I hated it. When I tried fresh salmon - oh my- not even close in taste...so good.

I need to be brave... I have just yet to go there!

You really should. It's the difference between fresh mozzarella and the kind you buy in a block.

Or the difference between canned "chili" and real chili made from scratch.

I hear ya, canned chili is so good!

I have a really good Weight Watchers chili recipe that is delicious!

blech

Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cooking contest. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the advent: (Frank is Judge #3)

Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2-- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 -- (Frank) What the [censored] is this stuff?! You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put out the flames. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!

Chili # 2 Austin's Afterburner Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2-- Exciting BBQ flavor; needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Needs more beans.
Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting s#*t faced from all of the beer...

Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 ---- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish, or other mild foods; not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?

Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I f@rted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...
Judge # 1 -- Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I s#*t myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair! No one seems inclined to stand behind me anymore. I need to wipe with a snow cone.

Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho-hum; tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge #3. He appears to be in a bit of distress, as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild, nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 f@rted, passed out, fell over, and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?

I have never been able to read the chili cookoff story with laughing to tears!! I have several friends that are t"the third judge"!

I made about 4 gallons of chili for a chili cook off last night. The public was invited to sample the participant's chili. I can not tell you how many people asked me if my chili was spicy. When I told them it was, they wrinkled their nose and walked away. Who goes to a chili cook off expecting to get bland chili?

An Elvis impersonator told me that mine was the best chili so I feel like that is the highest compliment one could expect.

I suppose in this namby pamby version of society that we have become you should have a sign up that just states plainly
"The word chili means pepper. Of course its spicy you dumba**"

You know, just in the sense of total disclosure.

If you market your chili you should call it "Hunka Hunka Burnin' Chili". I will expect 10% of revenues for coming up with the name.

Sounds fabulous!

Is it Friday yet? No ok

I am sure tomorrow will be someone's Friday.

Brilliant!

That someone would be me.

humpty hump day!

Last night I had multiple dreams about the exam team we've got here. In the one I remember best, they were breaking for lunch, went outside, and I was parked in the front parking lot in a food truck selling meatballs.

Then I woke up, wrote down what the dream was about, and went back to bed.

Except I didn't actually write it down, I just woke up from one dream into another and...inception!

Must have been about 10:30 am.

The state guys have been going around 11, federal closer to noon. They don't want to be around each other any more than necessary.

I don't care, gives me a two hour window where only half as many people are able to ask me for anything!