Do you remember the time we were going to get your teeth fixed and we spent all of the money on Francis's toupee?

I DON'T WEAR A HAIRPIECE!!!!

"Declaration of War... The Short Form"

Mail Room Orienter: You punch in at 8:30 every morning, except you punch in at 7:30 following a business holiday, unless it's a Monday, then you punch in at 8 o'clock. Punch in late and they dock you. Incoming articles get a voucher, outgoing articles provide a voucher. Move any article without a voucher and they dock you. Letter size a green voucher, oversize a yellow voucher, parcel size a maroon voucher. Wrong color voucher and they dock you! 6787049A/6. That is your employee number. It will not be repeated! Without your employee number you cannot get your paycheck. Inter-office mail is code 37, intra-office mail 37-3, outside mail is 3-37. Code it wrong and they dock you! This has been your orientation. Is there anything you do not understand, is there anything you understand only partially? If you have not been fully oriented, you must file a complaint with personnel. File a faulty complaint and they dock you!

[spoken at about 160 words per minute]

You are NOT just a man.

"I speak Spanish to God, French to women, English to men, and Japanese to my horse."

Say (h)ello to my little friend.

Say goodnight to the bad guy!

Don't call me Junior.

M: You remember that song I used to sing to you?
Rock-a-bye baby on the tree top. When the wind blows the cradle will rock. When the bough breaks the cradle will fall....

S: AHH! Break! Fall!

M: No! I only dropped you once.

S: AHHH!

M: Well, maybe twice. No Sloth! Put me down!

You under arrest, Sugar.

Allow myself to introduce... myself. My name is Richie Cunningham. This is my wife Oprah.

I'm having difficulty controlling THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE.

Maybe he is wise.
He does not look wise.

I'll have what she's having.

Do you love him, Loretta?

Ma, I love him something awful.

(sigh of resignation)

Loretta: Where's the ring?
Johnny: What?
Loretta: The ring. You propose to a girl, you should give her a ring.
Nearby diner: If it was me, I woulda sprung for the ring, capisce?

I, state your name, do hereby pledge allegiance to the frat, with liberty and fraternity for all. Amen.

I know there are women, like my best friends, who would have gotten out of there the minute their boyfriend gave them a gun to hide. But I didn't. I got to admit the truth. It turned me on.

Do you think KFC is still open?

I, state your name, pledge allegiance to Hedley Lamar.......

(to Hedy Lamar). THAT'S HEDLEY!!! (That's Hedley)

"You can take away our phones and you can take away our keys, but you can NOT take away our dreams."

"Yeah, because we're, like, sleeping when we have them."

Nozzled you, my friend.

Are you seeing planes? Is your name Tattoo? Because I swear to God, you're living on Fantasy Island.

Your my BOY BLUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!