I got a funky celery stalk. ::chugs water::

What was funky about it?

I've noticed lately that the pre-packaged crudité trays' celery is bitter and slightly salty--not at all what I like in a celery stick.

It was wearing little headphones and listening to James Brown.

!

It is a plant and not steak

Sudafed is the only thing keeping me alive right now.

I'm out of Sudafed so I'm dying until I can get away from here for lunch.

And now it's lost it's affect. Thanks a lot ed.

Too bad we're not in the same bank noelkal, I could spot you enough to get you through the day. I also have cough drops and lotion-y tissues.

http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1081120610602402

Exercise in a pill

saw an article that listed different fast food places' healthiest and least healthy food items

for Wendy's the least healthy was the baconator

for Burger King it was the triple whopper

I didn't bother to look at the healthiest items, no one really orders that stuff anyhow

I got rice cooking in the microwave
I got a three day beard I don't plan to shave
It's a goofy thing but I just gotta say, hey,
I'm doing alright
Yeah I think I'll make me some home-made soup
I'm feeling pretty good and that's the truth
It's neither drink nor drug induced, no,
I'm just doing alright
And it's a great day to be alive
I know the sun's still shining
When I close my eyes
There's some hard times in the neighborhood
But why can't every day be just this good

Exactly. That's just so this exchange can happen:

I'm going to Wendy's, want anything?
No thanks, I prefer something healthy.
They have salads.
Thanks, but no.
OK.
.
.
.
Welcome to Wendy's, can I help you?
Yeah, I'll take a baconator, a large fries...

And a DIET Coke. That will balance it out, right?

Today is the 30th anniversary of the end of Joe Theismanns football playing career.

The phrase that pays is:

Fermentable Oligosaccharides, Disaccharides, Monosaccharides and Polyols

Thanks a lot, Ed!

That point ratcheted up my feelings of being old. 1985 was just the other day for cryin' out loud!

Y'all go freeze in those deer leases, I am going to play golf the next 3 days.

Jealous... our clubs just got packed away for the winter. Now I'm sad.

For the menopausal women in the audience:

Relax.

Your hormonal rages and dramatic tantrums won't last forever.

One day they will end.













Then you will grow a beard.

!

Who would have thought; Illegal credit relief robo caller people do not enjoy being called a criminal?

"Canadian Lottery agents" do not enjoy being laughed at either.