What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

King of Swamp Castle: Who are you?

Prince Herbert: I'm your son!

King of Swamp Castle: No, not you!

Sir Lancelot: I am Sir Launcelot, sir.

Prince Herbert: He's come to rescue me, father!

Sir Lancelot: Well, let's not jump to conclusions.

King of Swamp Castle: Did you kill all those guards?

Sir Lancelot: Um... oh, yes! Sorry.

King of Swamp Castle: They cost fifty pounds each!

Sir Lancelot: Well, the thing is, I thought your son was a lady.

King of Swamp Castle: Well, I can understand that.

Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch?

Peasant: Well, she turned me into a newt!

Sir Bedevere: A newt?

Peasant: ...I got better...

Crowd: Burn her anyway!

Do you mean an African or European swallow?

Narrator: And now on to scene 24. A smashing scene with some lovely acting, in which Arthur discovers a vital clue, and in which there aren't any swallows, though I think you can hear a starling...

Sir Bedevere: ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped.

King Arthur: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.

The Holy Handgranade...

"Minstrel: [singing] Bravely bold Sir Robin rode forth from Camelot. He was not afraid to die, oh brave Sir Robin. He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways, brave, brave, brave, brave Sir Robin. He was not in the least bit scared to be mashed into a pulp, or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken. To have his kneecaps split, and his body burned away, and his limbs all hacked and mangled, brave Sir Robin. His head smashed in and heart cut out, and his liver removed, and his bowels unplugged, and his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off and his [censored]...

Sir Robin: That's, uh, that's enough music for now, lads... looks like there's dirty work afoot.

This is cracking me up. Funny, too, my son played Sir Robin in a community theater version of Spamalot this past summer.

I can't remember if I put deodorant on today.

Today is my last work day for the rest of this year.

I hate that feeling Peep! I have a backup stick of deodorant in my desk drawer for such situations!

I'll address the issue if/when there is a stench

Don't let Peeps fool you Ashley, he never puts on deodorant.

Seems like a reasonable way to keep the masses out of one's office.

same here

I'm wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt to work today.

When you switch employers/banks it takes a lot of work to transfer all of the monthly auto-debits.

Sounds comfy, TJ.

Oh, and my office desk finally arrived Christmas eve. It's an adjustable height so you can sit or stand. Very sturdy, high quality with a nice bamboo top. It's a good day in the office.

I am so jealous

So sad when you can't convince a nice lady that she is the victim of online romance scam and if she sends out any money she will never see it again.

Love must truly be blind

Hey, I got a good thing goin' on. Don't be messing up my passive income.

This was arguably one of the most useful posts/links I've read/clicked in 2016.

With the bamboo top, did it also come with the tiki bar?

Why do my Halls Cough Drops have inspirational quotes on the wrapper!? You think right now is the time I need motivation? I'm just trying to keep my lungs in my body and you got jokes!?

Watch your back, Halls. Cause when I'm back to 95%, it's on.

Dorks.