This is just a place to post phrases that play on the weirdness of the English language. For example:

Please do not meddle with my medal made of metal. And please don't peddle flower petals or bicycle pedals.

I do not speak English: I speak American, so sorry.

Why do we drive on the parkway, and park in the driveway?

Amazing how there are three different pronunciations of the letter "e" in Mercedes.

Add "Benz" and there's a fourth! But that is German...

Why do ships carry cargo and cars carry shipments?

Queue. Remove the last four letters, and it is still pronounced the same.

I am present to present you with this present. It would have been early if I had present it.

All the beer he had had had had no effect on the outcome of his life!

We went throughout the storage closet and threw out all the junk.

It bugs me when people pronounce "jaguar" as "jag whar". Maybe when i say "jagwire" it bugs them, i dunno. Oh....and like the guy in the car commercial, "jag U ar" isn't any better.

Invalid: meaning varies depending on whether you put the accent on the first or the second syllable.

ˈjaɡˌwär

They're over there where their family lives.

"Fat chance" and "slim chance" are roughly equal estimates of the probability of something happening.

"Neat as a pin."

Can anyone tell me just what it is about a pin that qualifies it as the paragon of neatness?

Well, a pin is minimalistic in nature...slim, clean and shiny..so yeah...fairly neat I'd say

Now, speaking of 'neat'. How did that ever become the designated description for a plain whiskey, bourbon, et al. Why is that 'neat'? After a few, I would think it should become 'sloppy'.

I think it's weird that if you are referring to an individual as "you", the proper form of *to be* is considered to be the plural "are" as opposed to the singular "is".

He is going to the store.
She is going to the store.
Tim is going to the store.
Sheila is going to the store.
You ARE going to the store.

Just really doesn't make sense. (Yes, i get that "you is going to the store" sounds funny, but it wouldn't if we grew up saying it.)

And those who did grow up saying it that way are referred to as hillbillies.

Two should work; to buy 3 would cost too much.

The wind up toy was blown away by the wind.

By the way, are you going to buy that?

frieze, freeze, frees

"I do not speak English: I speak American"

Do you mean like"

sweater - jumper
underwear - pants
water fountain - bubbler
trunk - boot
truck - lorry

I converse on the internet with some people from the UK that claim to speak English, but I can't understand it. I've never gotten the hang of rhyming humor (or humour). They call us Septics. I didn't get it. They explained, Yank rhymes with Tank, as in Septic Tank, hence Septics. Ok, whatever.

I went on a European trip the summer after high school, and I could understand German better than the English spoken in the UK.

I before E . . . .

... except when your feisty foreign neighbor Keith leisurely receives eight
counterfeit beige sleighs from caffeinated atheist weightlifters.

Weird.



orig joke by comedian Simon Taylor

You can bounce a ball, e.g. toy; attend a ball, e.g. dance; or have a ball, e.g. fun
Years ago we had a foreign born pastor at our church who had been in the USA for years, we told him our children had a ball a their house and he was under the impression they had left a ball at his house and we were asking for it back, there was some fast explainin' going on; LOL.

I could, and I know I should, and I would, but I cannot lift this boulder over my shoulder.

I teach ESL in home, and I cannot tell you how many times I end up saying, "I don't know why, that's just the way it is."

thanks for the thread, George Carlin


this is some good food

I'm going to Rodeo Dr. and then going to see a rodeo afterwards

I want to go through the candy catalog, but I threw it away.

I apologize, but I'm going to have to show my ignorance here.....what is ESL?

English as a Second Language

Thank you....makes much more sense now!

For those of you in banking, probably more familiarly known as regulatory language.

Sorry for using acronyms. As bankers we try not to do this with our clients, and then I turn around and do it to the bankers.

Haha!

I thought it stood for English is a Silly Language

A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed on the interstate yesterday, shedding its load across the highway according to the Associated Press. Witnesses were stunned, startled, taken aback, aghast, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless and perplexed.