Angie, sweetie, you don't hang on to a guy because he has "potential". That will likely lead to a major disappointment for one or both of you. You hang on to a guy who meets your expectations, and you both build from there. You ladies are breaking my heart here. I mean, here you are professional, intelligent ladies acting desperately, as if this one guy is the last chance you've got.

Angie, I'm telling you that you can do better. Don't be in such a hurry.

As for me, I'm REALLY enjoying being "alone" right now. It is so refreshing and just what I need to plan "the rest of my life".

Angie Don't take the bad of my comment as an attack, instead focus on the part you were supposed to. "You're intelligent ladies! You're too good for this crap!"

Honestly, maybe I'm more comfortable with myself, or too set in my ways but I dated a few guys that turned out to be wrong one or two times. I didn't try to "fix" them, or find something to hold onto, but instead, didn't see them again. You know, really pretty well into your first conversation if this person is of any value to you (meaning similar goals, expectations, respect levels, etc).

I knew within the first hour of meeting my sweetie that he was the perfect guy for me. He didn't fit many of my rules (I don't date men from the Petroleum Club...private club in Anchorage) and I swore I'd NEVER date a guy who was absent more than present (after being married to a firefighter for many years) So we're standing at the club, introduced by a common friend, chatting away when I find he lives in Texas Other than those flaws he was and is everything you'd want to find in a guy...and he has a wine collection

We're apart quite often, but make time together for us when he's here. He's very secure in our relationship and has no worries when I attend wine dinners with other people, even if they're visiting chefs, etc (who could be men). He does not worry if I go out with the girls, and he cooks like a dream. I'm not worried when he's out with collegues when out of town, including female collegues because I have no fear I shouldn't have total trust in him. Five years later, I know that the two rules I had were silly, but one thing I did do right, is not to feel the need to "fix" him to suit me. We have a stronger relationship than my marriage was and it keeps growing stronger.

So make stupid rules like me about locations and living arrangements...but don't try to fix jealous guys, or dig down through their soul until you find one redeaming quality. Learn to love yourself, and take the time to weed through until you find someone you can love, who loves you as well. And really, you'll hear the strongest relationships out there say this....there just isn't jealousy or commanders in a strong relationship. I know several couples like myself, and they're all the same in this factor.

No go buy that dog and hug it until it finds a mate for you...that it won't bite

I havent been in this situation since I was a teenager. I got my reality slap (figuratively) last week and knew over the weekend I'd had enough...finished with him...deserved better...was smarter than that...etc. But the icing on the cake was when he showed up at work yesterday. Wanting to make a scene. I very quietly made it very clear that I never wanted to see him or speak to him again and if he came around me, my kids or work again he would regret it. There may have been a few whispered expletives about if he didn't quietly get the **** out of my office right then there it was going to get ugly.

I'd buy a dog, but I don't want one in my new house. I just got the horses out there, I think I'm going to throw myself back into them and forget dating!

I dated an abusive cop when I was in College. When I broke up with him - he stalked me, made harassing phone calls, came to my classes at school and berated me. I spoke with one of his friends on the force about the treatment I was receiving and that if it didn't stop I would file formal complaint with the department. I never heard from mr. jerk again. I've also never dated a cop again.

As a fellow single woman, I have to say that I really would not put up with the stuff that you all have been describing.

Unfortunately, I have one failed marriage and I don't want to go through that again. The phrase "If I'd only known then what I know now" has never been more true to me than now. I realize now that I settled for someone that had far less qualities than I would prefer in my ideal mate. I now know that there are certain qualities that I am not willing to compromise on. If I am dating someone and they don't have specific qualities, I am not going to continue the relationship.

My life is very centered in my faith and I know that if God wants me to be with someone, His hand will be in our meeting. In the meantime, I am working on myself and making sure that I am content with where my life is going.

So, there you have it....that's my dating life in a little nutshell!

Busy Bee, I have to agree with you 100%! I was a lot younger and not as experienced when I was in college. Judgment was poor when it came to men. Now, there is no way I would put up with the mess these ladies are enduring(actually, I didn't put up with it then - once I learned what they were really like). Life is too short to waste on someone you have to "change" in order to live with. They won't be the one to change - you will.

Wow, Jen. I was gone for one day, and I come back to hear what is most likely GREAT news!!! Now, you can get on with your life. It sucks that he is a jerk, but most men are. I hope that things get better for you.

Well all, it's finally over. My relationship, that is. I guess I am relieved although I am concerned about the children involved.

Maybe I am just not ready to have a serious relationship (and no I am not too young) because of the extreme trust issues I have with men. I seem to keep pushing the men in my life away and building up very strong emotional barriers between myself and them in order to avoid getting hurt again, hence the reason that I think perhaps a life of solitude would be better so that I don't hurt anymore men however unintentionally.

Thank you Fraud

From the Cooler...thanks P.

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN

1. Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.
2. Dogs miss you when you're gone.
3. You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.
4. Dogs feel guilt when they've done something wrong.
5. Dogs don't brag about whom they have slept with.
6. Dogs don't criticize your friends.
7. Dogs admit when they're jealous.
8. Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch (and then never laugh
at how you throw).
9. Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because they know
the most important thing is that you're together.
10. Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.
11. You can train a dog.
12. Dogs are already in touch with their inner puppies.
13. You are never suspicious of your dog's dreams.
14. Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.
15. The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas. (OK, the
*really* worst disease you can get from them is rabies, but there's a
vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)
16. Dogs understand what "no" means.
17. Dogs don't need therapy to undo their bad socialization.
18. Dogs don't make a practice of killing their own species.
19. Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.
20. Dogs think you are a culinary genius.
21. You can house train a dog.
22. You can force a dog to take a bath.
23. Dogs don't correct your stories.
24. Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger
owner.
25. Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.
26. Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.
27. Dogs don't mind if you do all the driving.
28. Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.
29. Dogs admit it when they're lost.
30. Dogs don't weigh down your purse with their stuff.
31. Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.
32. Dogs take care of their own needs.
33. Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.
34. Dogs mean it when they kiss you.
35. Dogs are nice to your relatives.


HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME

1. Both take up too much space on the bed.
2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.
3. Both are threatened by their own kind.
4. Both like to chew wood.
5. Both mark their territory.
6. Both are bad at asking you questions.
7. Neither tells you what's bothering them.
8. Both tend to smell riper with age.
9. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.
10. Both have an inordinate fascination with women.s crotches.
11. Neither does any dishes.
12. Both fart shamelessly.
13. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.
14. Both like dominance games.
15. Both are suspicious of the postman.
16. Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.
17. Neither understands what you see in cats.


WHY MEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS

1. Men only have two feet to track in mud.
2. Men can buy you presents.
3. Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them
around the block.
4. Men are a little bit more subtle.
5. Men don't eat cat turds on the sly.
6. Men open their own cans.
7. Dogs have dog breath all the time.
8. Men can do math stuff.
9. Holiday Inns accept men.

I believe we're in the toothpick region here Jokerman What were you thinking?

Sometimes a wood-tipped cigar is just a wood-tipped cigar.

That was good Jen, thanks, I needed the laugh

If you've been living alone for the past few years, odds are you've developed some habits that just might (to phrase it politely) strike the new guy or gal in your life as somewhat strange. Changing deeply entrenched behavior takes time and effort, so even if you're convinced the polar ice caps will melt before you meet someone, fall in love, get married and move in together, you might want to start the process by identifying these relationship-defying quirks:


45-minute showers
There's nothing like steaming up the entire bathroom on a chilly spring morning-except, that is, when there's someone outside waiting to do his or her business. If you're a guy, you can kiss these ablutionary marathons goodbye — and if you're a gal, well, you'll have to cut them back to half an hour, tops.


Spoiled pets
Strict disciplinarian that you are, you're perfectly fine with Bonkers the dog snarfing your Wheaties in the morning, and it's just so cute when Cleavis the cat curls up in the kitchen sink for a nap. Even if he's a pet lover, your boyfriend will be horrified. Show the beasts who's boss — if nothing else, it'll be good practice for your love life.


"Casual Sunday"
Dragging yourself out of bed at 2 PM, trudging around the house all afternoon in your bathrobe, brushing your teeth over the six o'clock news and only taking a shower after dinner — unless your new beau is as laid-back (read: as big a slob) as you are, all that will soon be as extinct as the dust bunnies under your bed.


All TV, all the time
When you've been alone for a while, the TV can seem almost like a live-in companion — you may not even notice its intrusive blare 24 hours a day. Your real live-in companion, however, is likely to take heed. Be sure to turn the tube off occasionally, lest he put an axe through it first.


Pretzels in bed
As long as no one's watching, that queen-size mattress might as well be an enormous dinner table (guys are especially partial to this habit — it has something to do with getting yelled at by mom). Keep it to the kitchen, thank you, and while we're on the subject, try to clean your sheets once every few months, too.


Aimless whistling
This is an especially insidious habit, because most itinerant whistlers aren't even aware what they're doing — until, that is, they notice the people around them desperately trying to claw open windows and jump out. On the other hand, if your new squeeze is an incorrigible hummer, the two of you just might be made for each other.


Lack of silverware
This one's especially for the men — After a certain age, a guy resigns himself to the fact that he doesn't need full dining-room service for four — one or two plates, an enormous bowl, and a knife and spork will do just fine (as well as make washing dishes a less onerous task). If you suspect a romance is in your future, invest in table settings for at least two. And if you think it'll be a really serious romance, go crazy and buy three or four.

Thats funny...

Ladies, this is a good article for us. It's called Overcoming the Jinx: How to Stop Attracting Losers

http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=2495&articleSrc=3&lid=91

Mine prefers wheat thins, string cheese, Mike & Ike candy, and gatorade. No wonder he's such a catch.

Serious question . . . for those who have found themselves in a similar situation . . .

How does one go about learning to trust again? Please don't tell me that it just takes time, I have already taken thirteen years. I have spoken to counselors, prayed about it, everything I can think of and it just doesn't seem to have helped much.

I can only say time, and to realize that not all guys are the same. As I said before, my ex cheated on me with a married co-worker. She's now divorced and they're getting married. I had a gut feeling that it was going on, but I didnt go with my gut. I trust the cop though, and this all happened within the last year. Not all guys are the same, and not all guys are going to cheat with a married lady, in my case.

I don't have an answer for you. My problem is that I trust everyone about everything...to the point of being gullible or naive about things.

I think it just might take finding the right person...if I found the right person me trusting them unconditionally from the beginning wouldn't come back to bite me in the @$$...on the other hand if you found the right person maybe your trust issues would just disappear.

Again...I have no answers...just an opinion that probably isn't worth too much.