Okay guys and girls, this mama needs help. Here's the dilemma. My oldest boy is in third grade. You know, the grade that determines their overall life track, at least that's how it's treated. It's the year of the dreaded test that determines their future success. The trouble is, the kid is seriously smart but very lazy and unmotivated. Yesterday his weekly folder came home and some of the grades were abysmal. He makes plenty of 100's and 90's with some 30's and 40's sprinkled in. There was even a 9% correct paper in the stack. I finally figured out yesterday that the papers he fails are open book or open iPad. I admit to also being bad at open book tests when I was in school. I haven't gotten much help from the teacher. She doesn't seem concerned about him passing the test or getting through 3rd grade, but these scores are unacceptable in my house.
So far threats of flunking 3rd grade have not helped, grounding has not worked and getting his hiney spanked has not helped. He is already grounded from staying the night at a friend's house or having anyone stay the night at our house until school is out.

I need help devising something to motivate him or tips to help teach him how to research answers in his books. This ended up really long so thanks for reading and thanks for your help!!

Here is a site for open-book test strategies.

http://www.educationcorner.com/openbook-tests.html

Though I wonder if he has a hard time narrowing down concepts in an open-book situation.

With my high-schooler, I found that he had issues with determining what was important. He had a hard time using context clues like headings and bolded words to find the topic he needed to answer questions. Mine is ADHD though and that's part of it----he has a hard time seeing the trees for the forest.

First thing that pops into mind is to have his eyes checked. Third grade was when I first needed glasses.

Second thing is have him tested for dyslexia.

Third is to use positive reinforcement rather than punishment.

Thank you Dani. I will definitely check that link out at home. I've emailed it to myself. I've often wondered about ADD for him. He's definitely not Hyper. Instead of hyper he can just zone out. I've asked his teachers if he's disruptive and they always say no. He'll either sit quietly or read a book.

Thank you MBH! We did the glasses thing. He failed his eye exam at school this year. Never complained that he couldn't see. Turns out he REALLY needed glasses. I thought that would help but so far it hasn't. Would dyslexia manifest in that way? He's a good reader and if you ask him the questions verbally, he can usually recall the story. He's also an excellent speller. Maybe I need to read up on dyslexia. I've considered trying positive reinforcement and we do positive verbal reinforcement a lot. Maybe special privileges for weeks he doesn't have any failed grades on papers.

Going with the positive reinforcement... Have you tried to talk to him about what motivates him? Depending on what motivates him you could do a chart of gold stars or maybe he can "earn" privileges like staying up late or going out for ice cream, etc. My oldest is in 2nd and sometimes I forget that he is old enough to be able to express and talk about his needs and wants.
Good luck mama! I am dreading next year. My oldest sounds a lot like yours, smart, but lazy.

Not all ADHD kids are hyperactive. The H in the acronym/name is a misnomer. My son is ADHD-PI (predominately inattentive), and has no hyperactive/impulsive symptoms. He was diagnosed in 1st grade. I noticed that when given a lot of information all at once, like 6 worksheets for bell work, he had no idea where to start and would just shut down and not do anything. He couldn't filter out what was important or prioritize information to develop a strategy to complete a task.

As he has gotten older, we see it more in the areas that he is not interested in, like English and History which are heavy reading and writing classes. Reading something that he is not interested in takes forever, and even longer if he has to analyze it or pull information from it. It's like information overload and his brain cannot come up with a strategy to extract what he needs from it.

In areas that he likes (Math, Science, and Music) he has no problem, as he hyper-focuses on those. That boy can whip out answers to advanced math problems like no one's business. But give him a reading assignment and it's hard labor.

My folks employed a combination of positive reinforcement (rewards for excellent grades) and punishment (anything below a B and I started losing priviledges). It worked. Not only was I more motivated to study, but I learned quickly that choices have consequences and that hard work would be rewarded. Not saying it would work with every kid, but it might be worth a shot.

I also hated open-book tests. I am not a memorization learner, nor am I naturally organized, and you have to be a bit of both to be able to use references quickly in situations like that. I forced myself to get better with memory excercises, nmemonic devices, study groups, and by hand-writing outlines of the major topic headlines as I read the textbooks. The more times I copied the material out by hand, the more it would sink in and I'd eventually even get a feel for WHERE in the material certain topics were located. That's the key to open-reference testing, anyway. You have to know where to find the answer you want. I usually ended up copying my outline/notes at least 2 or 3 times when studying for a test.

Unfortunately he's the strong, silent type. Trying to get him to talk about his feelings is like trying to nail Jello to a wall. We did talk yesterday about his grades. He said he just doesn't care if he does his best or flies through the work. I think (but he will not confirm) that he has trouble asking his teacher for help if he doesn't understand what he needs to do on the papers.

I will work with him and see if we can devise an appropriate reward. Maybe going to the gym with Daddy. He loves to work out. In fact, for positive reinforcement, we bought him a weight bench but he doesn't know it yet. He'll earn the use of it by putting forth good effort in spring baseball. So now I just need to come up with 1 for school work.

CULady I don't know if you drink or not but you might want to start. 3rd has been a test of my sanity. My worst fear is that he will fail and have to re-take it. Not because he'll be behind everybody, just that we'll have to suffer through it again! LOL Honestly at the end of 2nd he was so far ahead of everybody, I was convinced 3rd would be a breeze but it's been more like jogging through a hurricane.

That's very interesting Dani. Tyler is not an imaginative kid. If he has to write in his journal, it takes hours. But math and spelling he can whip right through. This may be something I need to explore further.

Becca you sound like me. I am horrible at memorizing things. It's just not my strong suit. I think if I knew a test or assignment was open book, I would just rely on the book and not study at all. That usually ended up biting me in the butt. So much of his work has to be completed at school that I struggle to know how to teach him study skills etc. It's one thing to talk about them but completely different to show him how they work.

I knew y'all would have great advice. Thank you everyone!!!

I feel you on the 'teacher does not seem to care' item. In third grade I started really bringing up that my son wrote his b and d backwards most of the time. In addition - is a horrible speller. I was told basically until 7th grade, by every teacher, it doesn't matter if he can spell as long as he can read, he'll be fine. Additionally - I was told if he was a bit dyslexic it didn't matter, because his grades would not allow him to get any help with it anyway (he is an honor role student). So basically - sorry about your luck but deal with it. Very frustrating.

What has worked for me? I now have a 'minimum acceptable grade' for all assignments. For my son - every assignment or test grade under a 70% means one day of no internet (so no video games either) and he must spend that extra time studying or doing homework/reading. I can report that as he gets older, the number of bad grades is significantly decreasing. It wasn't a 'smart' thing, it was a 'lazy' thing.

And I agree - he has increased my wine consumption over the years!!!

One other thought I had......

When our school system changed teaching methods due to common core, it was really hard on both my kids. My older son with ADHD was in 7th grade, and my younger with no learning disabilities was in 3rd. It was a nightmare for both. Our system was a Beta system in TN for introduction of common core. So could it be that the system has changed teaching methodologies and he is having trouble adjusting to some of those newer methods?

This right here is what my son struggled with when he was a little younger. He would not admit that he needed help trying to understand something. It created a whole lot of grief and terrible grades on homework. My son is very smart and the assessment tests and the big state required testing always had scores that were off the charts but his homework did not reflect that he knew what he was doing.

He is now a junior in high school and has found a passion in school that has completely turned the ship around. He's getting the best grades he's ever gotten and could actually graduate early with the credits he has received.

Hang in there!! It will get better! I also agree with the positive reinforcements that were mentioned earlier. That was the most effective with my son.

Hahah! I have three kids and work in compliance, of course I drink!

I really hope you find something that works. Just make sure to report back so I can refer to this next year!

Dani that's for sure part of it. We switched to common core last year but his 2nd grade teacher wasn't a big fan so she didn't push it. 2nd grade was more like advanced 1st grade and now 3rd grade is like high school. The difference between the grades has been jarring for all the kids. I've talked to a lot of parents of children that normally don't have any problems and they're having issues too. His teacher's personality and teaching style is an issue too. I hate complaining about her cause I sure couldn't teach any better. She's loud and a little on the obnoxious side. Tyler is sweet and a little tender-hearted. He doesn't take her criticism well.

BQ-- We did the no games thing last year for everything below 70%. It worked for a while until he got used to not playing the games. I've just struggled to find anything this year he cares about enough to make him work hard. If he was only capable of 60's I would applaud his efforts and help him study. He's capable of so much more and is wasting his intelligence.

BB I am almost in tears at the hope you've given me. He's always been one to keep his emotions bottled up. If I get on to him and he gets mad, he simply shuts down. A trait he inherited from Dad. He never asks for help and even resents it if I offer. Prefering to pass or fail on his own I suppose. I truly hope this is a phase and he pulls out of it. Until then, can I order Valium by the truckload?

Around third grade, my son suffered similar problems. He could not complete his work in class on time. Could not answer all tests questions within the time allotted which impacted the test score. We lectured and punished and it did nothing but stress us all out. The teacher was not concerned so I decided I would not worry about it (too much) for the time being. By fourth grade he grew out of it and was fine. He is now in high school, takes all AP classes and gets As in all of them. Oddly, my son is also VERY good in math and science and hates history and English. Hang in there but keep watch. Things could just work themselves out.

We could be raising the same child!! My son does the exact same thing with bottling his emotions. And if someone hurts him, makes him mad, or embarrasses him, you can almost see the walls he builds around himself. He had a few teachers that tried to call him out in front of the class for something and each teacher has said they experienced the same wall. At 17, he still does that, but now that he has focus and determination, it's much much better! His turn around started when the school offered different elective classes. He took metal shop and small engines as well as an agricultural biology class. He LOVED them! Around the same time, he got involved in the county Search and Rescue program and he's now nationally certified. He's gone out on some pretty intense searches and even gets to rappel out of helicopters! This school year, he's spent half of his school days at the fire station and when he's done, he'll be able to apply to fight wild lands fires and also apply as a resident firefighter trainee. He's been offered letters of recommendation by the Chief as well.

I know this is long winded and, while I am proud of his accomplishments, I say all of this so you can see that there is hope! And it really can turn out better than you expected! When he was struggling in 3rd, 4th, and again in 9th grade, I had long conversations with his teachers about how he tends to respond to people. My experience indicated that the teachers were trying to apply the same discipline on all kids which, as you probably know, doesn't always work for all kids' personalities. Those conversations with the teachers did result in some much better communication between my son and the teachers and helped with getting the school work done.

Compliant Okie hang in there, like a few above have shared,my story is just a little different. My youngest daughter who just graduated last June always did very well in school until Sr. High. She hated studying all the history and stuff. We are in NY so in order to graduate there are certain regents exams that have to be passed..what a struggle. she re-took 3 and I paid a lot of tutoring bills! Her junior year she started attending the BOCES program 1/2 days to study cosmotology, what a difference. She now works about 25-30 hrs a week in a salon and attends college full time majoring in criminal justice. For us it was key to stick to the rules and expectations, and a couple of great teachers along the way did not hurt!

BB- You may be right. Can I send him to you since you've perfected raising this kind of kid? Sounds like you've done a great job!! When Tyler builds his wall I always say he's writing me off. It's like if someone hurts his feelings, forget them. They no longer exist in his world. It's a good and bad thing I suppose. His daddy is the exact same way. Incredibly sensitive and tender-hearted. I'm a red-head. If you hurt my feelings I attack outward. I am going to the school this afternoon for an assembly. I'll take yet another opportunity to talk to his teacher about how he best responds to criticism/discipline.

Y'all are the truckload of Valium I've been looking for! So much great advice and reassurance and hope! Sometimes it's so hard to be in the trenches of parenthood. I am so grateful to all of you who have commented this morning. I literally cannot say that enough. Last night was tough. He cried, I cried and I didn't sleep well thinking and worrying about him. This morning I was feeling defeated and really down on my parenting skills.

I will keep an eye on him. I'll try to stop worrying since it doesn't seem like the teacher is concerned. I will work on finding positive reinforcement treats to help him along the way. If things don't work themselves out I'll search out help from professionals. And most of all I'll relax just a little. Thanks guys and girls!!!!

Can I just say that, especially with a boy, being held back a year may not be the worst thing on the planet. From the far side of having kids in school, I wish I hadn't fought so hard to get my son through 'on time'. Especially with boys, lack of maturity can be a HUGE part of their learning struggles.

CompliantOkie - something I did when my son was young (now almost 28 and teaches high school) - it was difficult to get him to talk about his day. I'd ask 'how was school today?' and his response would be 'OK'. What I started doing was having him tell me something good that happened that day and tell me something bad that happened that day. Sometimes he would have to think about it for a minute, but it got him talking. Honestly, I think it really helped open our line of communication. Now he still calls me to share things about what's going on in his life - which is great since we live over 2 hours apart.

My oldest son who soon to be 40 had a tough time in school. I knew he was smart, he tested out one of the highest when they were determing in kindergarten is they required the all day or half day glasses.

I screamed, hollered, threatened, bribed, grounded all that I could to get him to start doing better, but nothing worked.

He was in high school before a teacher took enough interest in him to tell me, I think he has a learning disability. Sure enought he did and only had a 60% mastery level.

I learned a lot from this and one was the positive re-enforcement. Every child is different, but hang in there stay after the teacher, if you are not satisfied with her not worried attitude, take it up with the principal! Get the answers you need maybe there is a disability or maybe he is just a 3rd grade boy who thinks there is more to life than that silly ole school!

i'm going to disagree here...because it does not sound like holding him back will address the issue of not doing the work...as he said, he doesn't care if he does the work or not...

that being said, my youngest we did T-1 (transitional first grade) for him, he was not ready after finishing kindergarten to go to 1st grade, and after long conversations with teachers and school admins, we decided T-1 would be better...best move we ever made...

I agree with Happy that holding him back may not be the answer. My oldest son had a May birthday. He was the only 1 out of 6 in preschool with May birthdays that went to Kindergarten. We struggled at times in school, especially elementary. The issues were more that he got bored and would get into trouble if the teachers didn't keep him busy.
I will say that a teacher can make a difference also. If the teacher doesn't understand your child's needs then there will be issues.
Good Luck and I hope you get your situation figured out.
My oldest is a Principal and working on his Superintendent endorsement.

Kid wonder had issues taking timed tests when she was in school. We practiced at home.I was able to help her with her strategy - ie don't sit there working on 1 question the wholetime - if you don't know the answer skip it and go back ot it when the test is finished. It helped her immensely. Don't know if that would help your son or not. Maybe the teacher could provide you with practice tests?