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#326004 - 06/07/05 08:19 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Look, men may not be more attracted to women who play hard to get, but they are often put off by women who come on too strong. It is not so much playing hard to get as it is letting him make the first move, taking it slow, and being a little mysterious and coy.
You gave him your phone number and he gave you his. He's a big boy. If he wants to talk to you again, he'll call. If not, then there are more fish in the sea.
If you are just dying to call him, call and invite him to a party that you will be at. That is non-threatening and not a "date." I'd make it a party where you have a few friends to talk to. If he follows you around at the party, that is a good sign. If he chats up other women, don't worry about it he's not yours.
All this stuff about "not playing games" is bogus! If your heart is just racing at the thought of him or if you are afraid you'll come on too strong, play it down a little. Otherwise, you are likely to scare him off or get taken advantage of by him. There are plenty of men out there who detect someone coming on strong, take advantage of that, then wam bam thank you ma'am and you don't get a call in the morning.
I would not play hard to get, but play it a little coy and he'll eat it up.
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#326005 - 06/07/05 08:41 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,655
Boise, ID
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Right on Anon, right on. 
_________________________
I was wondering if you would like to join me in my quarters this night... for some toast.
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#326007 - 06/07/05 10:04 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,353
Anchorage Alaska
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How is it bogus to "not play games" Playing games is stupid, and as Happy mentioned, great for kids, but for adults...it's rediculous. If a guy mentioned a 3 day rule to me, I'd share my 3 min rule. Anyone mentioning dating rules and dating "games" gets 3 mins of my time, then they never get to call again  Good gravy, if ya like the dude, call. If you don't or he thinks a 3 day rule is worth waiting to call you over...then move on! My sweetie called me mid-morning after he met me at the club. The only reason he took a few hours was he couldn't get my number from the gal who introduced us because she was with a client.  Within three days we were on our second date. 5 years later...still going strong. Not playing games is the ONLY way to a real relationship. All other efforts are just practice for kids.
_________________________
Dawn Coursey VP/CRA Queen
CRA Rating is in...Oh who cares...I'm home with the baby.
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#326008 - 06/07/05 11:36 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Diamond Poster
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 1,373
Austin, TX
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I don't know why men (and I speak as one) would be terrified by a woman calling them up for a date. "Aigh! It's a chick! On the phone! Asking me out! MUST...FEIGN...SUDDEN DEATH!" If people are attracted to each other and have no encumbrances and are looking for a relationship or a nice night out or a booty call or whatever, why not act on the impulse and make the call? Regardless of whether it's boy-calling-girl or girl-calling-boy. I just don't see how a guy would be all, "Eh, I WAS fascinated by her when I met her last night, but now that she's called me up I am so over her." And if some dude was like that, then the woman is better off without him.
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#326009 - 06/07/05 11:57 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
How is it bogus to "not play games" Playing games is stupid
Quote:
Not playing games is the ONLY way to a real relationship. All other efforts are just practice for kids.
Stop the preaching Dawnie. There is nothing wrong with playing the game well when you are trying to meet someone and not "blow it." You don't have to have rules, but you need to use common sense. If you like the dude, don't necessarily call right away. There is nothing wrong with being a little coy and calling a week later and instead of asking him for a date, tell him about a party. It keeps the guy interested. A little game playing is necessary and Dawnie I don't for a minute believe that you have NEVER used strategy in dating. Not for a minute.
Excessive gamesmanship is worthless, but a little strategic dating is worthwhile. Even for adults.
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#326010 - 06/08/05 12:22 AM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,353
Anchorage Alaska
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coy adj 1: affectedly modest or shy especially in a playful or provocative way [syn: demure, overmodest] 2: showing marked and often playful or irritating evasiveness or reluctance to make a definite or committing statement; "a politician coy about his intentions" 3: modestly or warily rejecting approaches or overtures; "like a wild young colt, very inquisitive but very coy and not to be easily cajoled" Let's see...Coy....ya, I'm going to disagree. There's every reason in the world not to be "coy" because it's artificial affectation or in easier spelled words..BS. I didn't say the party idea was bad, I just said that games were crap. If you like a guy, but aren't sure if you want to actually date him or aren't sure of his feelings, heck ya, invite him to a party and see how it goes. Meet him there and make sure it does not feel too date like, sure, but to delay calling because someone wrote a BS rules book...that's just stupid. Quote:
A little game playing is necessary and Dawnie I don't for a minute believe that you have NEVER used strategy in dating. Not for a minute.
When I was in HIGHSCHOOL, I asked my future husband out because he was very popular and all the other girls wanted to go out with him. I asked him to give me a ride home from the basketball game I was cheering at so I'd get some time alone with him before any of the other girls got a chance (Tolo..girls ask guys). Sure I played a game to get to him first. Again, I was in HIGHSCHOOL!!!
Since then, No, I can honestly say, I do not play games, and I have never lacked for dating opportunities. I have gone out with a few players, and dropped them right away. I have no time for game playing in adult land. You are not going to find a decent relationship in life if you have to be affectatious, fake, or "strategic" in acheiving an evening out with someone. If you're faking it on day one...you should probably plan on living a fake life, because that's only fair to both parties.
I don't have to sell myself as something I'm not, and NEVER would. I have friends who try that crap, and frankly, I feel great pity for them. Their relationships don't seem to go past a few dates, and they are beautiful women. Some of the gals here seem to be quite lovely as well, and as they talk about games, they seem to go from, cute game, first date, to "he's a jerk". That is exactly where games lead you.
By the way...if I'm a preacher, someone join my church and fill up the coffers I need new jewelry
_________________________
Dawn Coursey VP/CRA Queen
CRA Rating is in...Oh who cares...I'm home with the baby.
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#326011 - 06/08/05 04:01 AM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Wow! I still think that playing games (if that is what you want to call it) is ok until you are actually in a relationship, then they are forbidden. I never said to sell yourself for something you are not, but you don't have to act as excited as you may feel or call someone as often as you want to.
There is nothing wrong with a good strategy. You can take my happily married advice or Dawnie's. It does not matter to me.
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#326012 - 06/08/05 01:02 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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10K Club
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 19,987
Pulling people out of the ditc...
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Quote:
strategy in dating
Hmm, how would that sound??? Okay Fred, at 6, you put on the cologne after the shower and primping and dancing to Duran Duran in front of you mirror. Then, call her phone but hang up on the second ring. Call back 5 minutes later, and act disinterested in talking to her, while you have a basketball game playing loudly on the TV in the background. Then, tell her about a party you went to, that she wasn't at. Tell her how much fun it was, that she should have been there. Then, hang up and don't call her for a week. Dude, you'll have her hanging like a fish on the line by the time you call her back...
Gee, how silly this seems. What ever happened to being up front and honest?
_________________________
Providing alternative truths since the invention of time
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#326013 - 06/08/05 01:27 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
Quote:
strategy in dating
Hmm, how would that sound??? Okay Fred, at 6, you put on the cologne after the shower and primping and dancing to Duran Duran in front of you mirror. Then, call her phone but hang up on the second ring. Call back 5 minutes later, and act disinterested in talking to her, while you have a basketball game playing loudly on the TV in the background. Then, tell her about a party you went to, that she wasn't at. Tell her how much fun it was, that she should have been there. Then, hang up and don't call her for a week. Dude, you'll have her hanging like a fish on the line by the time you call her back...
Gee, how silly this seems. What ever happened to being up front and honest?
That's funny Happy and that is exactly what I mean by strategic dating. Fred has it down pat. <<sarcasm>> 
If what you posted is what passes for strategic dating for you, then you are right, you are silly. Has anyone here ever heard of subtlety? A little subtle romance and coyness can go a long way. I did not say that it is for everyone, but I can attest that coming on too strong can scare a guy or girl away.
OK Happy, how's this for honesty? Fred sees a girl and really thinks she is hot. He walks over and wanting to be "up front and honest" starts telling her how he likes her physical attributes body part by body part. He is being up front and honest about what he is thinking. If he talked about anything else Fred would not be up front and honest.
I know what you are thinking. You are thinking, "that is not what I meant when I said up 'front and honest'. I did not mean for a person to be stupid." Well, guess what? Neither did I. Your example of Fred shows a person acting stupid not strategic.
I do not believe it when you and Dawnie say you are always up front and honest. It is likely you have talked to people you were attracted to and while you were talking, you were thinking things that you did not say. Up front and honest people should say things they think when they first meet someone like: "This person is hot!" "Wow, what a body!" "This person and I think think alike, I think I'm in love!" "I think this person could be THE ONE!" Or how about this open and honest conversation on a first date: "Well, I am on Prozac right now because I am depressed from my recent divorce. I have herpes, but it is under control with medicine. I have two children that live with me and one of them is just a terror. I just don't know what to do." Good thing these people were up front and honest.
I bet when you are getting to know someone you did not always say what you were thinking. We all play games and hold back a little so we don't scare the person off. That is part of the strategy and you have played it if you are at all human.
Part of the strategy of courtship is deciding where to go. Are you telling me that you have not used strategy on a first date when deciding what to do? What if the thing you really want to do on Friday night is go to your parent's lake house to go skiing where your parents will be present. Hmmm, without strategy, you'd go there because that is what you want to do. Instead, with strategy, you think to yourself, "taking this person to the parents on the first date is coming on too strong, I better go to Plan B." You finally decide that you'll ask her out to lunch on a weekday because it is non-threatening, public, it lasts for a definite time period, and if one of you is not having fun that's ok because it will be over soon. That is strategic dating!
Once you are in a committed relationship all of this stuff should go out the window. You are no longer "courting" (what an old word) this person. However, the strategy does not stop there. You can't stop thinking, you need to then use strategy to show the person how much you care for them. Listen to what they say and do to capture the little hints of how they'd like you to romance them.
I still say that all of the "black and white" posts about not playing games and being completely honest and upfront when you are getting to know someone is bogus.
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#326014 - 06/08/05 03:03 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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10K Club
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 19,987
Pulling people out of the ditc...
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gee, my wife of 19 years met my parents on our first date, and I met hers. I guess that makes us abnormal? Sorry, but we never played games. And not saying something that you are thinking (wow, she's hot) is certainly not the same as playing games (if I act disinterested she will be more attraceted to me). Sorry if you can't differentiate between the two,
_________________________
Providing alternative truths since the invention of time
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#326015 - 06/08/05 04:45 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Anonymous, I think you're right. If everyone acted just like they are when dating, nobody would ever get married. Of course people play little games when they're dating. Nobody plays the same game everytime, certainly, but come on! You know you were on your very best behavior and you took time to look your best and to plan nice things to do. You don't lay it all out there, warts and all, on the first few dates. And if you don't put some time and effort in dressing, deciding where to go or what to do, (strategy) are you sure you're really intersted in that other person? Don't you want to appeal to them and do the things they might want to do? Who hasn't got to an event that they have zero interest in because their date was hot to go? I'm not saying everytime and I'm not saying you don't compromise in a relationship, but when you're first dating, you do.
Aleta Jo
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#326016 - 06/08/05 04:47 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
Anonymous, I think you're right. If everyone acted just like they are when dating, nobody would ever get married. Of course people play little games when they're dating. Nobody plays the same game everytime, certainly, but come on! You know you were on your very best behavior and you took time to look your best and to plan nice things to do. You don't lay it all out there, warts and all, on the first few dates. And if you don't put some time and effort in dressing, deciding where to go or what to do, (strategy) are you sure you're really intersted in that other person? Don't you want to appeal to them and do the things they might want to do? Who hasn't got to an event that they have zero interest in because their date was hot to go? I'm not saying everytime and I'm not saying you don't compromise in a relationship, but when you're first dating, you do.
Aleta Jo
Happy and Dawnie didn't do this! 
I think they actually agree with you. I think they're saying basically the same thing just in different ways.
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#326017 - 06/08/05 06:03 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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10K Club
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 19,987
Pulling people out of the ditc...
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well, my wife reminded that we did play games on our first date. It was Trivial Pursuit, and we were a team and won. Gee, I stand corrected.
I hardly think dressing and trying to look your best is a game. I do that every day.
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Providing alternative truths since the invention of time
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#326018 - 06/08/05 06:25 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
I do that every day.
Most of us give it a little extra effort when it comes to dates.
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#326019 - 06/08/05 08:10 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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10K Club
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 19,987
Pulling people out of the ditc...
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Quote:
Most of us give it a little extra effort when it comes to dates
Must just come natural to some of us!!!
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Providing alternative truths since the invention of time
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#326020 - 06/08/05 08:18 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
Quote:
Most of us give it a little extra effort when it comes to dates
Must just come natural to some of us!!!
What happens if you have to fight them off with a stick then what do you do? I mean I am human not some cyborg sex machine!
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#326021 - 06/08/05 08:27 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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#326022 - 06/08/05 10:35 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,353
Anchorage Alaska
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OK Happy...here is a hammer...Hit yourself in the head 10 times and say "I don't talk to nameless posters...I don't talk to nameless posters...I don't....." Then hand me the hammer I'll repeat the process LOL Dressing appropriately is a game? NO silly, not so. But not calling until day 3, now that's a STUPID STUPID game. I don't play those games and now that I'm all grown up...NEVER WILL! I wasn't that into games in HS either now that I think of it. I remember being interviewed (sarcastic for "chatted up by a cheerleader") at my new school. She wanted to see if I'd go out double date with her dude and a jock who dated "all the new girls". She asked about parents jobs, income, vacation highlights, past history regarding cheering successes....sheesh the conversation cracked me up. But what cracked me up more was that she believed all the BS answers I was feeding her because it was so darned funny. Ten years later, she was the same girl at reunion (which we did not attend...we had our own party for the really cool people...those who didn't make her hot list). So happy, maybe it's not age, it's actually just that some people love being Paris Hilton like throughout their entire life, and some of us just like living honest lifes I'm sticking with honest It's worked pretty well so far.
_________________________
Dawn Coursey VP/CRA Queen
CRA Rating is in...Oh who cares...I'm home with the baby.
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#326023 - 06/08/05 11:11 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 5,912
Outside A Garage
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There's a thin line between appearing interested and appearing desperate.
_________________________
...you guys, I'm going home
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#326025 - 06/09/05 02:27 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 1,655
Boise, ID
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Well I called last night, and got the voicemail. I think I left the worse voicemail in the history of voicemail. Actually it wasnt that bad, but we'll see if he calls back. Thanks everyone for your opinions and advice.
_________________________
I was wondering if you would like to join me in my quarters this night... for some toast.
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#326026 - 06/09/05 02:40 PM
Re: Dating Troubles
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Platinum Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 762
Mid-West
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Well, I admit that I didn't sign in before I posted, but I did add my signature to the end. I thought that would be enough. I usually just scroll through here and there, only reading the things that interest me. When you want to make a quick reply to something, it takes too long to log in and then go back to the post you wanted to respond to. However, the whole "Anons are evil and must not be responded to" is pretty evident all over the threads and based on some of the annonymous attack posts, I suppose, it's a method of self-defense on part of the regular posters. I think some of the anon replies or comments are entertaining and a lot less self-rigtheous then some of the regular poster comments. (Please note that I did not say all or every or anything else that will cause someone to jump on me with both feet. I think SOME of the anon replies are interesting, but not all. I think SOME of the regular posters are stuffy and full of bile, but not all.)
I did not say that dressing nicely was playing games. And I never said anything about waiting three days before calling somebody. I did say that everyone plays little games. And I do believe that they do. I don't think you sit and plan your dating life as if you were getting ready to launch a full-scale military attack. That would be ridiculous and counter-productive. You want somebody to like you for who you are, not a "representative" that you send to meet them. But you do put your best foot forward when you first meet someone and are attracted to them and if you continue to be attracted to them, you want to continue to put your best out there for them. How about this? I met my future husband. We were attracted to each other. We each spent time thinking of things the other would love to do and see and go. We each wanted to look our very best, for ourselves and for our prospective partners. We weren't playing games and we were not being dishonest. But we were "strategizing". Maybe it's the term "strategizing" that gives some posters heartburn here. Call it "planning" or "weighing our options". Call it anything you want, but you cannot tell me that you go through life without considering different options or choices or scenarios.
Well, on second thought, actually I guess you can tell me that. People can say anything they want. But I don't have to believe it.
I hope everyone has a good day. And I hope everyone reaches happiness with their chosen partners and their chosen paths, regardless of how you get there.
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