We had our girls in the bathtub together last night and I decided to "dip" our son in there also (only 5 months). Our oldest put suds all over him and kept saying "I put spuds all over him, huh Mom."

My two year old always seems to need something, just as I sit down. Last week, he started this new thing. I sit down, he walks up to me and says "milk?", smiles, then says "in a minute"... It's too cute.

My 6-year old and I were watching the Wizard of Oz and we came to the part where the Lion had chased and caught Dorothy, Scarecrow and Tin Man.

Tin Man: "C'mon Scarecrow, get up and teach him a lesson."
Scarecrow: "Why don't you do it?"
My 6-year old: "Yeah, you got the axe."

if you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and
during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say
to her? Mike replies Wait a minute; I'm going for a p.

The teacher says: That would be very rude and improper on your part.

Charlie replies: I'm sorry I need to go to the toilet, I'll be back in a
minute.

The teacher says: That's much better but to mention the word toilet
during a meal, is unpleasant.

And Billy says: My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake
hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope, to be able to introduce to you
after dinner.

The teacher passed out.

That's AWESOME! LOL!

Last year when my oldest was 3 he played in the 3-4 yr old t-ball league. At the end of the season all the kids get trophies. Well, my son was so excited that he got a trophy, he came running up to his dad and me yelling "Look I've got a winner (pronounced like weiner)." It gets better. For about 2 months following he carried that trophy around, slept with it, etc. And he would always say things like "Look at my winner" or "I want to hold my winner" always pronouncing it like wiener. Needless to say we've had some pronunciation lessons.

Last night, My daughter and I ate dinner at my mom's house. She also invited my uncle and his girlfriend (Georgia). My uncles girlfriend went to the bathroom early on in the evening. Well, during dessert (cheesecake), My daughter asked my uncles girlfriend if she flushed. Georgia said "yes". My daughter got a worried look on her face, and then said "oh, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. The toilet is broken, and my nana said we can't flush." It was the funniest thing ever.
Just to clarify, the toilet can be flushed, but it runs for about half an hour after words. My mom runs a home daycare and the girls "pretend" to go potty, so she told them not to flush...

When my youngest son was about 4, his sister called from school that she was "sick". She was in second grade at the time. When my wife picked her up she asked if her head hurt? No. Does your stomach hurt? No. Do you have a fever? No. About this time baby brother pipes in from the car seat in back - "Well, what in the hell is wrong with you then?" He had his TV time interrupted and he was none too happy.

When my youngest was in grade school I went back to work, with strict instruction that the boys not tell anyone they were home alone (different times 20 some years ago). One day in the summer my oldest answered the phone, it was his godfather driving from Seattle to Chicago to visit us. His godfather asked to talk to me and Michael told him I was in the shower. 4 hours later, at least 3 phone calls later - - I was still "in the shower"!! Our friend thought it was pretty funny But that is better than the time that same son told a good friend of mine that I could not talk to her cause "my mom is pooping right now" Good thing it was a really good friend, with kids of her own!!!

At our grade school, the 1st graders have done posters about what they learned this year in school. Most of them talk about learning to read or do their numbers or write, but one of them says, "I learned a whole lot about silence this year." Just reading it made me sorry for the teacher.

Last night I had to listen to the knock knock who's there boo hoo joke about 5 billion times. My little girl got mad at me when I didn't answer the door any more when she knocked and said "That's not fair, you have to cry."

When my friends daughter left her first day of kindergarten I asked her what she learned. She told me "I learned that we don't touch anyone in class". It was so cute!
My son was around 2 or 3 when we were dining at a Chinese restaurant. As the Chinese waitress was setting down our food he asked how come her face was flat! I could have crawled under the table.

Here's a few more to keep the thread going:

The other day, my 5 year old son had a day of constant complaining. At dinner, he was still carrying on, and I said, "your glass has been half empty all day!" He stopped, looked at his cup, looked at me, and said, "no, I drank it all."

One of my 7 year old daughter's homework activities is trying to decipher the meaning of road signs based on the pictures. Yesterday, we were on the road, and as we approached a 'deer crossing' sign (just a yellow sign with a picture of a deer on it), my wife pointed it out to my daughter and asked her what it meant. Her answer: "No deer allowed!"

Last weekend, we were walking the dogs, and my 7 year old son had the poodle on a really short leash. The dog was pulling hard, tryign to get to the right spot in the yard, so I told my son to give him a little slack. My son reached down a lightly smacked the dog across the head. I asked him why he hit the dog, and he answered, "You told me to give him a little slap."

Too funny Jac! I have told this one before, but it's really cute. When my daughter was around 2 we would practice her name, mom and dads name, phone number and where she lived. I normally ask, where do you live? One day instead I asked where are you from? Her response was to put her little finger against her lips tap a couple of times and then reply, well I'm from heaven, God sent me down, but I live in Brunswick!

My 3 yr old granddaughter called to tell me a very lame joke. When she finished, she just laughed and laughed and then commented "I just crack me up".
It was then Grandma's turn to laugh.

My 2 year old nephew gets very tongue tied when he is excited. When this happens, he will say "Ah Nuts, I say it again" I can not help put laugh.

ashlynn: Greetings! As a former Nebraskan (born & raised) and the 10-yr adoptive mother of two little Ruskies (now teens!!!), I can relate to the warm fuzzies that these kids give out! When my parents first came to Arizona to meet the kids, we went out to dinner at a restaurant attached to a grocery store. We all ordered, and soon, the salads came for the "big" people. No food for kids yet...the next time the waitress walked by, my son (4 at the time and NO ENGLISH at ALL!) yelled out DINNER (in Russian of course!). No one buy my husband & I had any idea what he was saying, and we were to busy laughing to tell anyone else!

How quickly they adapt, learn and change into Americans!

When my nephew was three years old, he was constantly looking to get attention from his dad. He was say "Dad", "Dad", "Dad" and my bro-in-law wouldn't always respond right away. My sister would then say "Steve" and when he responded to her, she'd tell him to talk to my nephew (Max). This must have happened a few too many times, because soon whenever Max wanted daddy's attention, he'd say "Tee" really loudly. We all laughed and laughed, but "Tee" didn't think it was so funny!!!

My daughter was eating a powdered donut last weekend and she brushed off all the powdered sugar and said it was too "cauliflowered"...I had to write it down so I wouldn't forget.

My in-laws called last night & were talking to my three year old. When they were wrapping it up with her they asked her what her Daddy was doing. She told them polietly, he was "burning supper".

I took my son to the ER today, his glands were the size of potatoes and there were pustules on his throat. The first thing he said when the nurse asked him what was going on was: "Well, in the the first place, I have pustules on my throat." It just sounded ridiculously funny coming out of a 9 yr old's mouth.

The nurse just looked at me and cracked up!

This isn’t so much what my 3 year old stepdaughter said, it’s what she did.

Last night, she and I spent time painting different Sesame Street characters with water colors. Her mother was out and on her way home from the store she called. The 3 year old wanted to talk to mommy and while telling her that we painted, she held up one of the pieces of paper to the phone so mommy could ‘see’ it.

My 5 year old and I were in a resturant and she wanted a cheeseburger.

Waitress: "What would you like on that honey?"
Daughter: "Cheese."

T-girl was looking at her new phone on the way to TX last weekend and said "Cool. It has a unit converter. That will really help me in English." ....... Her best friend and I just cracked up and she said "What?...Oh, duh, I mean math."